Facing Your Theater Fears

Last night I had an informal reading for a play I am in the process of directing.  I asked a few of my friends, colleagues, former teachers and directors, and even my boyfriend to be a part of the private reading. It was the most supportive room I've been in since NYU and it was a beautiful reprieve from the dose that real life is. After a fair reading of the play, it became clear to me that everyone felt what I most feared and already knew: the play isn't ready for performance. This led to a conversation on how it can be better and why I was attracted to it...which then led to a conversation about my own personal connection with the play, which THEN led to all of them suggesting I write my own story and turn it into a play. Eep! 

I must confess that I am absolutely terrified of writing a brand new play. I never took a playwrighting class and I've never written dialogue! This fear, however, also becomes defiance. Defiance against myself and what I think my limits are. How can you know until you try? I pose this question to all of you: how can you know if you can act, direct, dance, paint, produce, mime, write, play, or sing if you do not try? I realized last night that theater is exciting to me for many reasons, the greatest being this: the more I delve into the theater world, the more scared I am and the more gratifying the end result turns out to be. I was apprehensive about having the reading because I felt the play was not ready. Facing this fear led to an enlightening conversation about the play, which then transformed into an endless (and happily unexpected) outpouring of support and encouragement to try playwrighting because of my personal, engaging story and ability. Having other people believe in me-before I can even start to believe in myself-definitely catapulted my confidence into a stratosphere it hasn't seen since college. So, I'm going to write a play. 

I use my experience as a case study in what can happen when you jump and GO GET IT. I let fear run my life for 3 years after getting my BFA (or Biffa, as I lovingly call it), and I've never been so miserable. I am finally getting up (after falling...HARD) and facing my fears, fears I didn't even know I had, and am now reaping the glorious benefits. Fear of the unknown, of failing, of falling, of exposing yourself, of limits, of comparison, of being wrong, of succeeding, of even trying. All valid, none real. Knowing is truly better than not, especially for over-analytical theater majors (we know who we are) and our sanity. You fall, but boy, do you get up a more rounded, experienced, and motivated individual. So, jump! We'll be here to catch you and then we can all share stories of failures and triumphs. After all, what is a good, lived life but a series of ups and downs?