The last time I wrote was before Grief; this noun (significantly more than a thing) paralyzed me for weeks. A fear-defying deadline forced me to derive Purpose from Grief. My Statement of Purpose was due-a summary of why I was applying to Yale School of Drama for Acting. Below is an excerpt of my why.
Summarizing has become a kind of art for me—selecting significant events that will neatly (but thoroughly) describe what I’ve done, who I am, when my potential will prove, why I exist, and where I come from; my synopsis, or rather, my Purpose. My multi-faceted, culturally ingrained, constantly evolving purpose, humble challenger to my—gratefully present—life in the theatre.
I didn’t mean to make a literal Statement of Purpose, but this sudden feeling is too significant, too precious to let slip. Grief. The recent, swift loss of my Stepfather to cancer shut me down, followed by tremendous CLARITY. Eulogizing my secondly departed Dad (both paralyzed by doubts, fear, wasted potential) renewed value in my uncommon abilities and opportunities. No longer focused on the fantastic death of my idealism, courage freely replenishes!
Doubts of choosing Theatre constantly reveal that I would have ended up here, anyway. Arrogance of skill kept me safe; REALITY commanded the authentic size of my passion. Based on challenging fear (self), I conceived a personal reward system; creativity now delightfully emerges, with meaningful and truthful contributions.
All verifications for boldly selecting my original purpose: Acting. Previously blind to extraordinary opportunities, I am impassioned to work as hard as is required of Yale School of Drama. An expert Graduate program for which to consider more debt, and dedicated to sharpening the craft of my instruments: body & voice; fantastical mechanisms I control, with a fountain of knowledge left to discover.
My present grief prioritizes my gut over logic. Yale makes me feel purpose so passionate, it is rivaled only by my fear of it. While failing will never be my forte, it has continuously taught me this: what isn’t won’t be—unless I try.
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| Thank you, Leslye, for opening my mind so I can derive purpose from it all. |
