Grief as Purpose

My last Blog was completely inspired by Leslye Headland, brave Writer/Director/Artist, who read Inspiration (or how to learn from your sins) & tweeted me this weekend to keep writing-just when I wanted to give up. Leslye has reignited my passion of making pain into art, inspiring this week's Blog.

The last time I wrote was before Grief; this noun (significantly more than a thing) paralyzed me for weeks. A fear-defying deadline forced me to derive Purpose from Grief. My Statement of Purpose was due-a summary of why I was applying to Yale School of Drama for Acting. Below is an excerpt of my why.

      Summarizing has become a kind of art for me—selecting significant events that will neatly (but thoroughly) describe what I’ve done, who I am, when my potential will prove, why I exist, and where I come from; my synopsis, or rather, my Purpose. My multi-faceted, culturally ingrained, constantly evolving purpose, humble challenger to my—gratefully present—life in the theatre.

     I didn’t mean to make a literal Statement of Purpose, but this sudden feeling is too significant, too precious to let slip. Grief. The recent, swift loss of my Stepfather to cancer shut me down, followed by tremendous CLARITY. Eulogizing my secondly departed Dad (both paralyzed by doubts, fear, wasted potential) renewed value in my uncommon abilities and opportunities. No longer focused on the fantastic death of my idealism, courage freely replenishes! 

     Doubts of choosing Theatre constantly reveal that I would have ended up here, anyway. Arrogance of skill kept me safe; REALITY commanded the authentic size of my passion. Based on challenging fear (self), I conceived a personal reward system; creativity now delightfully emerges, with meaningful and truthful contributions. 

     All verifications for boldly selecting my original purpose: Acting. Previously blind to extraordinary opportunities, I am impassioned to work as hard as is required of Yale School of Drama. An expert Graduate program for which to consider more debt, and dedicated to sharpening the craft of my instruments: body & voice; fantastical mechanisms I control, with a fountain of knowledge left to discover. 

    My present grief prioritizes my gut over logic. Yale makes me feel purpose so passionate, it is rivaled only by my fear of it. While failing will never be my forte, it has continuously taught me this: what isn’t won’t be—unless I try.

Thank you, Leslye, for opening my mind so I can derive purpose from it all.

Audition Etiquette

Auditions mess with your brain, regardless of which side of the table you are on. Judging a person's entire ability and talent within a short period of time is unfair to everyone involved, BUT necessary evils remain and we must persevere!

I am currently holding auditions for the play I am directing this Summer, but as an actor, I know the baggage that auditions come with...and the nerves. The awkwardness and stress can make people behave curiously, on either side. For those behind the table, a certain monotony and attitude can develop, thus the sense we actors get of feeling like cattle, and our favorite degrading phrase: Cattle Call. On the other hand, those auditioning push boundaries and patience through unprofessional behavior and unpreparedness. 

Things to NOT do:

AUDITIONER

• Look down at your phone or notes for long periods of time; take a call
• Rustle papers after the audition has begun
• Talk to your peers-try to wait until the auditionee leaves the room
• Allow awkward silences-you are in charge and must lead the conversation

AUDITIONEE

• Arrive late or improperly dressed
• Forget lines or copies of your sides-both make you look unprepared
• Say you are SICK- just DON'T
• Talk over or more than those behind the table
• Lie-you will more than likely get caught right then and there 

Audition etiquette is essential and under-appreciated. If we all took the extra time and courtesy, auditions could be more than just a means to an end - it is the secret networking tool of many good auditionees and casting directors. Don't let manners get in the way of your paycheck.

You know that thing when you walk into a room,
and everyone looks just like you?

The Audition Muscle

Auditioning is one of the most difficult parts of being an artist, whether you're an Actor, Musician, Dancer, or Performance Artist. Not only because of the pressure and cattle-like quality, but because it is not always easy to get them! Auditions are comprised of many variables; even if you do not book the specific job, getting on a theater company or casting director's radar is a huge plus! Since the business is mostly about connecting, it is essential that you go to every single one and exercise your Audition Muscle. 

Practicing is something artists are accustomed to-just like you rehearse for a show, you should rehearse your monologues and sides before an audition. This professionalism will support your resumé, as well as stand out in their minds in case you audition for them again. However, practicing is a supplement to your Audition Muscle-the actual muscle is the practice of auditioning. You will learn something from every audition you go to (no matter how great or horrifying), and each one will increase your skill and knowledge of what it takes to get the role! The more you audition, the better you will be at it, and the more people you will meet. Auditions are never a waste of time-it all depends on your perspective and foresight. Remember, only you are your worst enemy when it comes to pressure.

One of my acting glass-shattering moments was when Ron Burrus, my Adler Technique teacher, taught us the subtle difference between a good and bad audition. "Where are my keys?" he said, in a believable voice, but quite unremarkably and looking straight ahead. Then, "Where are my keys?" he asked, while searching his pockets and acting agitated. A simple lesson, but once it hits you-the difference is inner LIFE. You will usually not know who the character is, or where they come from; in an audition you can make up your own story about who they are! Choose actions and choices that stimulate you, and your character will come to life. More likely than not, if are a character, those on the other side of the table will try to direct you into their version of the story. If you succeed, you book it! And if you keep booking, your Audition Muscle can become as big as one of Hugh Jackman's biceps. 

Some websites to find Auditions:

www.playbill.com

www.backstage.com

www.actorsaccess.com
http://columbiacasting.com

Facebook and Twitter Theater Company Group Pages

And yes, even www.craigslist.com Be WARY. Look in Gigs.

A handy Audition update website:
www.auditionupdate.com

Ron Burrus and my NYU first year Drama group in Adler Technique