Inspiration (or how to learn from your sins)

I haven't written in a while, and I keep beating myself up over it. A lot of us do this; we know what we should do, but don't have the time/desire/energy to complete the task/chore/dream, and end up being THE detriment to our own confidence and success. Womp-womp. 

So, here I am: facing my fear of having nothing to say; of not writing it correctly; of it actually having an effect. Fear is almost never logical, and always disguised. I wear a suit of martyrdom for being too busy, overworked, and emotionally stressed out. Yes, reasons for inactivity will be forever present, but I won't be, and there is unmatchable merit in working so hard you can't even think about how scared you are. 

My motivation was reignited after Trevor Kluckman, who starred in my production of Seminar, invited me to attend his fundraiser last week for The Animus Theatre Company, a thriving company composed of passionate artists and inventive collaborators. Headed creatively by Artistic Director, Jonathan Judge-Russo, Animus treated its supporters to an all-day series of staged readings of Leslye Headland's Sin Cycle of plays at Circle in the Square. I was inspired to start writing again.

Among the sea of red chairs was a woman bursting with excitable energy, fervently chatting with her enthusiastic friends. I interjected to share my mutual love of witty farce 30 Rock, and I soon discovered that there was a reason for this magnetic energy; she was Leslye Headland. Even though I didn't know her work yet, Leslye embodied her identity with such a contagious and delightful force, that I was instantly infected, and eagerly awaited her words to hit my ears and heart. 

A simple row of chairs and music stands, I was fortunate to catch four of the six Sin Cycle staged readings craftily directed on Monday: Cinephilia (lust), Assistance (greed), Bachelorette (gluttony), and Surfer Girl (sloth); the last of which was expertly performed by Leslye Headland herself, proving her awe-inspiring prowess as a fully rounded artist. She was undeniably matched by the Animus members' professional work ethic, contagious energy, and driven talent.

It was immediately clear the actors would easily fill the space, Leslye's words needed no set, and that I was about to face sins I readily recognize, and shamefully hide. Each play was its own world, and separately revealed humanity's worst traits. However, I was delightfully surprised by how experiencing these sins in a truthful, raw way revealed them as gifts of wisdom. Leslye taught me you learn from what you are trying to escape (fear), and most of the time, what you are trying to escape is YOU!

Leslye is proof that what makes you different, makes you special, and that shame and regret aren't suffering's only residuals. Embracing the fear of what you know to be true is painful, but you must first be honest with yourself, to then be truthful to the world! In fact, through Leslye's honest work, and life-changing talkback, I realized I became an artist during my lowest point, when I felt most sinful. The sobering truth of our existence diminished my life-long capacity to dream, but after years of sinfully resting where dreams die, I have an urgency to dream again!

Sharing my understanding of humanity through my perfectly flawed lens of the world, just like Leslye so bravely does, is my new goal. This is only a layer of my aspirations; I am regaining the ability to dream and I am finally starting to make it happen. Become your own catalyst, face your true self, and GO OUTSIDE. 

Let It Go: Fear As Motivation

An existential crisis provides almost no positive repercussions, but I can attest to one: you suddenly realize that fear is made up of a whole lot of NOTHING. I've written about fear before, but since it is an all-encompassing mind cancer that affects all facets of life, there is plenty left to be explored; art (thankfully) allows me to explore it periodically. 

On Friday, I got up on stage for the first time in a year and belted out my rendition of "Let It Go" from Frozen. Yes, that song haunts the halls of our ears and minds daily, but it also expertly displays the Disney machine and why it works. I was part of the Faculty Cabaret at work, and I wanted to choose something I knew the kids would love. More importantly, I wanted to choose something that would challenge me-my own rebuttal to Fear and its hold over me. 

Singing had been such a part of my identity when I was young, that when I stopped singing publicly, my confidence took a hit.  Choosing to sing the hardest song I had ever attempted, in front of an audience of coworkers and peers that had no concept of my ability, forced me to have the kind of courage "Let It Go" refers to and celebrates:

It's funny how some distance

Makes everything seem small

And the things that once controlled me

Can't get to me at all

It’s time to see what I can do

To test the limits and break through

No right, no wrong, no rules for me

I’m free

I hadn't been that nervous since my college audition.  Friday was a big step in the right direction; I even put the video of me singing up on YouTube, something I would not have done when Fear was my master. Motivating myself was something I couldn't figure out how to do, increasing my fear. Facing my fears is my motivation now, keeping me on my toes every day. All this last year has taught me is that facing my fears leads to amazing rewards and big steps for my career and sanity. Fear is only in the mind, it does not exist outside of it. Face yourself and you will find that all you are fearing is yourself, which cancels fear out and turns into NOTHING. 

SO, JUMP! Try. Do. Create. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGZXAfTMRJY

"Let It Go" at the Faculty Cabaret at Art House Astoria.

29X/Y or How a Play GETS ME

Millenials have gone through more technological and psychological changes than any other generation-at least I believe so being a Y, and consider my own evolution a case study. On Thursday, I was inundated with these changes during a production of 29X/Y, written AND directed by Marcus Yi, currently playing at the Paradise Factory on East 4th St (near East Village theater row, as I call it). The play starts off normally enough: projection on the wall, empty blackbox, and actors on the stage. However, once the action initiates, you realize this is performance art; an arrangement of vignettes and scenes (29 to be exact) aimed to move/strike/change the hearts of generations X and Y.

Since commentary and rhetoric are my favorite parts of artistic expression, Marcus Yi accomplished the move/strike/change in my heart. When one of the first references is how "our childhood went away" once Harry Potter was over-you've got my attention. A smattering of talented, diverse, and collaborative cast of 11 actors helped Yi portray the angst, confusion, spirit, betrayal, disillusion, need, evolution, desire, squalor, comedy, and reality of the X/Y generations. An entire scene of just 3 repeated words, ("Like, whatever, OMG") effectively explores ignorance in X/Y Americans and the loss of self.

From innovative uses of voice-overs, to audience participation-tackling themes such as race, sexual orientation, and big business-29X/Y captures the feeling of being "stuck" that so poisons our generations. Squished between the status quo and innovation, the X/Yers have a difficult task: how to incentivize real change (gay marriage, student loans, corporations) with a comfortable, apathetic mass (Americans) who are so used to their ways? A beautifully sung Ukele song explores how can they possibly satiate their(your) hunger when, "after you get what you want, you don't want it anymore"?

"Imaginary education" degrees aplenty, with a surmounting student and credit debt, X/Yers feel at a loss, and react accordingly. Marcus Yi and the character-ridden cast reacted through 29X/Y by yelling truths, pointing out obvious problems, and sharing the sense of confusion that plagues our generations, and now because of the Internet, the World. With music, extreme stereotypes, Craigslist ads, soliloquies, award shows, dance, mathematical parallels, and riots, you'll leave the theater thinking, "Need. Change. Now. Now. CHANGE. NOW. STRIKE."

29X/Y
Paradise Factory
64 East 4th Street New York, NY 10003

2 Performances left:
Saturday May 31, 11:00 am

Sunday June 1, 1:30 pm

http://planetconnections.org/29xy/

Audition Etiquette

Auditions mess with your brain, regardless of which side of the table you are on. Judging a person's entire ability and talent within a short period of time is unfair to everyone involved, BUT necessary evils remain and we must persevere!

I am currently holding auditions for the play I am directing this Summer, but as an actor, I know the baggage that auditions come with...and the nerves. The awkwardness and stress can make people behave curiously, on either side. For those behind the table, a certain monotony and attitude can develop, thus the sense we actors get of feeling like cattle, and our favorite degrading phrase: Cattle Call. On the other hand, those auditioning push boundaries and patience through unprofessional behavior and unpreparedness. 

Things to NOT do:

AUDITIONER

• Look down at your phone or notes for long periods of time; take a call
• Rustle papers after the audition has begun
• Talk to your peers-try to wait until the auditionee leaves the room
• Allow awkward silences-you are in charge and must lead the conversation

AUDITIONEE

• Arrive late or improperly dressed
• Forget lines or copies of your sides-both make you look unprepared
• Say you are SICK- just DON'T
• Talk over or more than those behind the table
• Lie-you will more than likely get caught right then and there 

Audition etiquette is essential and under-appreciated. If we all took the extra time and courtesy, auditions could be more than just a means to an end - it is the secret networking tool of many good auditionees and casting directors. Don't let manners get in the way of your paycheck.

You know that thing when you walk into a room,
and everyone looks just like you?

Catalyst You

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how to put up your own work, inspired by my desire to direct again.  As soon as I found a play that moved me (and was right for the space), I submitted a play proposal resulting in wonderful news: I was granted free space to direct a play this Summer! Even better news-it's a NEW play co-written by my friends, which means an ever-evolving play that will be a complete labor of love. Stimulation like this can only have positive reverberations, the best of which is that I officially started writing my first play! 

Now that the formalities of 'how I got myself back on track' are over, I can get to the meat of why I'm writing this: my progress is made up of catalysts that came as a result of my desire to make things happen for myself because no one else was-regardless of my effort. A catalyst (stimulant, impulse, energy), incentivizes you to take bigger chances, leads you to meet the right people, gets the creative juices flowing, and grows the confidence necessary to succeed. 

YOU ARE YOUR OWN CATALYST; YOU HAVE TO BE. 

Some turn down projects because they feel they are too experienced; others unknowingly choose ventures that offer no career or connection advancement. Rejection and stagnation stifle creativity, motivation, and confidence. With so many variables, it can be difficult to stay busy, or worse: you(me) become reluctant to put your self and ideas out into the world. Subsequently, a state of temporary or long-term stasis follows, in which you hope, err, expect, try, wait, audition, go back, learn, grow, misstep, reconnect, meet, live, do. 

Regardless of your poison, the best catalyst to get out of the haze is YOU. You must create movement to expect/wait/hope for a reactionary response. You must do. 

• Open-Mic Nights/Salons and open performance forums
• Go back to school (higher learning or as an alum)
• Expand your training and knowledge; every new skill is a catalyst 
• Create: art, memories, music, stories, community, experiences, film, words, relationships, theater, moments
• Share ideas and created work with fellow peers & collaborators; you may share the same goals 
• Social Media: updates and buzz for your connections 

Think of your biggest fear and just throw catalysts around until you either no longer want it or are no longer afraid. 

No more fear.

An Artist's Mindful List

Preparation and tact make an unskilled or average artist seem better than they are-imagine what it can do for a gifted and trained artist! It's been a year since I've been on stage, and yes, I suffer from the same adrenaline-deficient worries: that I'll forget how to act, that my training will dissipate, and that I won't remember how to be a good collaborator. These inane apprehensions only matter when you stop practicing, and exercising your voice and body. Realistically, upon your return to a room of collaborators, your training will kick in, and everything else is just mindfulness and forethought. 

I've compiled two lists of tips on how to be a good collaborator and actor in productions, no matter their caliber. NEWSFLASH: These are also tips on how to be a good person to work with, regardless of your position; never underestimate how people would rather cast someone who is easy to work with instead of a talented Diva. 

An Artist's Mindful List 

• Always be prompt with all forms of communication to anyone involved-and read the emails. I know no one reads the emails, but come on.
• Greeting people daily is essential for morale and great for networking
• Learn names of as many people involved as you can
• Be courteous and aware of when work is being done and do not distract
• Respect the space and clean up after yourself
• BE. ON. TIME.

An Actor's Mindful List 

• This is obvious, but doesn't always happen: READ THE PLAY at least twice before the first rehearsal. Be as off-book as you can-your collaborators will thank you for it!
• Once in rehearsal
• Remember your lines and blocking
• Make your own choices-do not wait until rehearsal to choose them as you will waste time and it is not fair to the others in the room.  Even if it's not the "right" choice, it's something to work from
• Do NOT direct another actor-go through the director if you have any input
• Do not vary blocking or rehearsed action once in performance (serious judgement on this one)
• Treat the designers & crew as well as you treat the director. Remember they are the ones that make you look and sound good

Bottom line: Be KIND and thoughtful. Positivity goes a long way!

Maria in Twelfth Night-with Lulu Rossbacher

The Play's the Thing

My Summer Theater projects fell through, which has given me the courage and tenacity to put on a play on my own...again! At first, this can seem like quite the challenge, and you would be right! I wish I could tell you that it is easy, but as someone who is attempting it for a third time (1-1...so far), it is still just as daunting. However, with the help of friends, some granted space, and a great play, I'm going to make it happen! Whether you're an actor who wants to showcase, or a playwright trying out a new play, or even a theater-lover who just wants to produce a show, it is possible if you take the right steps and prepare accordingly. 

As I've mentioned before, the first step is DESIRE. Producing a play without a theater company backing you can prove to be difficult, and the thing that will keep you going is your fervent passion for this production to succeed. The second step, even before choosing the play, is starting a search for a group of people that will be there to help you along the way, in various capacities.  If you've invested in your theater karma, there should be a handful of people that will work with you for free, or at least for a share of the profits. In this case, I would choose talent over convenience, and attempt to find the best person to fit the role (on stage or off) in an effort to have the best production possible with a minimal budget. I am an amazing Stage Manager, but I would have been lost without Lauren Erwin (the SM for my first show), and her capacity to keep it all organized while I was having my directorial debut. Her karma bar is full in my book!

Then, you choose a play-a crucial choice in the success of your production! The play will decide how much you have to spend on sets, costumes, lights, props, and space. It will also weigh on how the actors and crew will deal with any strains on the production; the better the play, the more patience they will have. The last element is to find a space; everything else will follow. Free is the key word in this scenario, as a free or granted space can give you the flexibility to spend all (if any) funds on the production! This is when going back to school, applying for space grants, or using connections comes into play. As a last resort, renting space is always an option, though not recommended for a self-funded production; those with outside capital can afford the choice. 

I completed Step One last week-now on to Step Two. Who wants to help me out this Summer? ;) 

Exposed brick is actually really IN.

Theater Side Jobs: House Management

Although I retired from Stage Managing, I'm happy to say that I will always consider House Managing an active skill! House Managers are removed enough from specific productions taking place, that there is rarely any drama or misunderstanding of what the job entails or how it is done. Usually paid and operated by the performance space, Front of House positions come with a regulated job description, as well as a quite steady paycheck (depending on the season.) More importantly, the constancy and necessity of House Management makes it a durable [side] profession, as well as bearing the simple pre-requisites of basic organizational and people skills. 

House Managing duties come in various titles: House Manager, Box Office, Usher, and generally always as Front of House. Coming across a dependable paycheck as an artist is sporadic, resulting in the common practice of possessing numerous skills backstage and in production. It is always better to know more about the business you are in. Even if House Management is not your cup of tea, I challenge you to learn (or enhance) a new position in your field! If you're a performer, chances are they need ushers...

And, as always, a handy list of what it takes to be Front of House staff:

• Organization and sale of Online and Box Office ticket sales
• Seating Chart and arrangements
• Coordination with the Stage Manager
• Audience customer service; Coat Check, Concessions, etc.
• Distribution of playbills and programs
• Audience control and flow
• Setting up house spaces and maintaining the house environment

LAST THING

Best entry-level position to get an introduction into House Management is ushering. My theater of choice to start: The Delacorte Theater for Shakespeare in the Park! Do it even if it's JUST for the celebrity sightings; say hi to Meryl for me!
http://www.publictheater.org/en/About/Employment/

Feeding Your Artist Soul

The Book of Mormon on Broadway won Best Musical in 2011, and it is STILL the hottest ticket in town-highest bidder at $477. On Sunday, through the good will of a friend, I got to see the show for free and it exceeded (and absolutely demolished) my expectations!  It was as though this show had been a big, juicy steak that I awarded myself at the end of Lent. It had been so long since I had been to a show of that caliber, always having excuses as to why I cannot afford it, or not finding the time. I was overwhelmed by the unconditional commitment from every person onstage, as well as behind the scenes-from the witty, topical book and lyrics, to the spectacular stage management that only a former SM would recognize. While Elder Price was expertly singing "I Believe," I promised to have a healthy diet of at least one piece of theater every month to ensure that I keep my perspective on what high standards and talent are, as well as to remind me to allow myself to dream big.  As big as Broadway.

There's a certain guilt artists sometimes feel when they go for long periods of time without seeing or being a part of their respective art form. I've felt it ever since I developed a theater conscience in college, and we all talk about it when we meet up-"I've been such a bad actor, I haven't seen a play in months!" "I can't even call myself a writer anymore-I haven't written a word in a year." "I'm pretty sure I've forgotten how to act." All of these self-imposed pressures and statements are detrimental (NOT the same as instrumental, TY Justin Bieber) to your soul's growth as an artist! In a city like New York, where a Broadway ticket averages $130, it's not always easy to feed your soul with great art and music. Alternatively, in a city like New York, there are so many low-cost/free options: go see your friends in a show, find a new or small theater company, community theater, open-mic nights, museum exhibits, public performance art, the MTA performers, local school shows, and even just walking through the subway tunnels-it's all art and culture! Nonetheless, just because the standard of what you are watching or doing is not the highest level, it does NOT mean you are being a bad or uninformed artist. Doing nothing makes you that, and if you're reading this column, you're ahead of the game!

Audition Technique-a required class I took at NYU to prepare me for the "real world"-taught me how to audition professionally, create a resume, and handle myself well in front of Casting Directors. However, one of the most influential take-aways was when our teacher told us to "do something for your actor every day. No matter how big or small-one thing a day will keep your soul fed." There is no parameter for what is "good" soul food: checking the playbill.com home page daily, auditioning, seeing any kind of show, reading a play, singing a song, going to a museum, practicing your instrument (even if it's your body and voice!), working out, theoretical conversations, dancing, buying a book, and even just watching a film. The "what" is not important; as long as you are mindful of how it can better your craft, and expand your knowledge and understanding of the world, you are doing something for your artist soul EVERY DAY.

The BEST website for Broadway discounts and policies:

http://www.broadwayforbrokepeople.com

"Suggested Donation" Museums
The signs are small, but you do NOT have to pay the exorbitant amount expected to be paid by TOURISTS; I'm so excited to share this list with you! Don't be embarrassed about donating even just $1-you shouldn't have to pay more than you can for something that is technically free to the public.

• American Museum of Natural History
• The Cloisters
• The Metropolitan Museum of Art
• New York City Fire Museum
• MoMA PS1 
• Museum of the City of New York
• Queens Museum of Art
• Staten Island Museum

FREE FRIDAYS!

• The Hall of Science, Free Fridays 2pm-5pm
• MoMA, Free Fridays 4pm-8pm
• The Museum of Moving Image, Free Fridays 4pm-8pm
• Rubin Museum of Art, Free Fridays 6pm-10pm

Theater Directing: How To Get Started

For a long time, I didn't know what a Director did or why they were so important.  Even as a Drama major, I thought that actors did all of the work and directors got all of the credit.  I was proven wrong when I decided to step on the other side of the curtain and direct my first show-a personal victory! A complete labor of love (no one got paid a cent), Seminar by Theresa Rebeck was the first piece of theater that I made happen mostly on my own, orchestrating everything from the casting to the marketing. Since then, it became clear to me that the Director is essential to the success of any show, opining on the smallest detail to the biggest spectacle. 

As an actor, the move to director can go two ways: as you step off the stage, all you want to do is be back on it OR you use your intuitive actor training to quickly learn how to turn craft into direction. After all, isn't theater just the search for truth?

There are a few ways to get started on your journey, each successful in its own way, but none exactly formulaic.  Success is a combination of the right contacts, home base support, good text, talented actors, and marketing yourself accurately. All it takes to start is to WANT to be a director. Desire is fundamental if you want to be a good director. 

From there, virtually any backstage theater job is a good way to hit the ground running.  Surround yourself with the knowledge of what happens backstage and what it takes to actually take a show from the page to opening night.  Specific jobs that will expedite your course: Assistant Director, Stage Manager, Producer, Dramaturg, Stage Crew, Designer, and ACTOR. As an actor, you make connections every day with directors-study them! Ask to be their apprentice, assistant direct them, share plays you are interested in directing with them, or ask them if they know of anyone who needs a director! The best contacts are usually right under your nose, but your fear or thoughtlessness will deter you. 

Or you can do what I have found to be most successful: make your own theater.  You find a play you love, actors you want to exhibit, a space that can be used, and bill yourself as the Director.  You can make your career anything you want-only YOU can force you to work on your passion.  So, get up, discover a play, and start your journey!